


The Four Times Kirk Didn't Say "I Love You, Too" and the One Time He Did

by Renata Lord (snowlight)



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Snapshots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-08
Updated: 2012-05-08
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/400403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowlight/pseuds/Renata%20Lord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A snapshot of the first half of Kirk's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Four Times Kirk Didn't Say "I Love You, Too" and the One Time He Did

**i.**

Jim is six.

He is used to his mother not being aroundshe travels a lot, doing important things in space. That's what he's told.

He's happy when she comes back home though, although she never stays for very long. She brings him presents like rocks from faraway stars and the latest robot models from Vulcan. Jim sets them aside in his toy chest. There will be plenty of time for that later, when she's not around. For now he just wants to be with her, armfuls of softness and safety.

She doesn't tell him when she has to leave again, because she's sneaky like that. So he follows her everywhere. Even when she goes to the restroom, he stands guard at the door with all the patience and conviction of a six-year-old.

For a while she doesn't say anything, but eventually she asks him why.

"I gotta watch you. You disappear without telling me," explains Jim, chewing on Andorian bubble gum.

She leans down to hug him so he doesn't see the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I love you, Jim."

He is too busy not crying to say anything back. The next morning when he wakes up he goes searching for her. She is not there.

**ii.**

Jimmy Kirk is fourteen.

He is in a mess of entangled limbs, slick skin and hoarse breath. The cool garage air feels strange on his half-naked torso. The faint smell of gasoline and dust flares in his nostrils. He chalks it up to heightened physical sensitivity after climax.

"I missed you, man," the boy called Mike grins widely as they pull away from each other, "you give the best blowjobs. Trust me, I know these things. Such a shame you got kicked out."

He laughs with sheer delight, his heart as light as a feather. "Well, fuck you, too."

**iii.**

Cadet Kirk is twenty-five.

He doesn't feel guilty about using computer lab girl Gaila to get access to the Kobayashi Maru mainframe computer. He likes her. He does. She can pull off the red hair look, very rare for an Orion. And they have a working arrangement, complete with the flirting and the drinks. All in all, he's lucky to have gotten on with her.

He feels blindsided when she blurts out "I love you."

It's an echo from times he does not recall. There is a moment of panic, then he remembers that girls just _say_ stuff like that in bed. It probably does something for the encounter.

"That is so weird," he distantly hears himself reply back, in the hushed darkness.

She stiffens under him, and something tells Jim he's probably not getting lucky tonight, after all.

**iv.**

Captain James T. Kirk is twenty-seven.

The world is his oyster, and he loves it. Maybe a little too much, but the captain's philosophy is that too much of a good thing is still a good thing.

He sees adoration in women's eyes now. Hero worship. Which is funny, because Jim Kirk doesn't think of himself as a hero, but that's another talk, for another time and another place. Possibly with Spock, and definitely not with the bald Deltan girl in front of him right now.

" _Captain_ ," she breathes against his ears and he feels the famed Deltan sexual allure enveloping him like a velvet glove. Every part of her seems to beckon him to come closer still, to catch the Cardassian Sunrise drops lingering on her smooth lips.

And he does. The liquor tastes bittersweet, but her mouth is warm and yielding. He delves into the desire with abandon, working his way down starting from her wonderful neckline. Somewhere in the haze he hears her gasping, her fingers digging into his flesh. Then there is a broken phrase in the alien language. It has been forever since he conversed in Deltan, but he's pretty sure it's the start of a confession.

"Shhhh," he soothes her as best as he can. Even if the Deltans don't mean it like humans do, it still probably hurts a little when the person doesn't say it back to you. He knows this from personal experience.

**v.**

Back in Iowa again, Jim is thirty-two.

He hugs his mother as they say good-bye. She feels so small in his arms, a little old lady with weathered bones. History can rest now, without the screaming, the tears, and the open wounds. Let it all go to sleep here, in the heart of this empty land.

Or so he thinks.

"I love you. I always did." She whispers frantically before he can pull away, the words gushing out with such an intensity as if she'd never get a chance to say them again. "I buried my heart on that ship. _But by God, I love you Jim_ , and I always will."

"I know, Mom," he hesitates, unsure of himself as she lets him go. In the periphery of his vision, he sees Spock raising a hand for the Vulcan salute.

" _Dif-tor heh smusma_ , Mrs. Kirk. Thank you for everything" and Spock pauses to shoot him a strangely solemn look, "and thank you, for him."

Jim Kirk really does not have the urge to cry. He hasn't cried since he was six.

He closes his eyes and leans down to kiss his mother's forehead, wrinkles and all.

"Yeah, thanks Mom. I love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> I totally did not make up the part about Jim's motivation to get close to Gaila. :P


End file.
